it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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