What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
