dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
