I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
