Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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