help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
