You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
