Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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