I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
