Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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