I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
