I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
