Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
