I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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