So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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