i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
