remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
