Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
