In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
