You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize