i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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