Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
