so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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