I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
