Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Welp...herpes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
