dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
