Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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