I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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