Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
