He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
