Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
