I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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