So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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