Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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