My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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