i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize