You really coming over, don't trick.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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