My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
