I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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