Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
