He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
