there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
