They should really pass out barf bags in church
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
