Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we made out on top of his cat.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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