Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
