biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
