I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
