you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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