sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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