running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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