too bad you live with your parents still
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
