I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
