Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize