i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
