i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
