I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I want is dick and wine.
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