Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
