i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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