i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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