First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
