I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what day is it and did you see me today?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
