Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
