oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
