Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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