i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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