he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Please, let me fuck your mom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
