who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
