i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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