Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
